Article
When to get help
Some discoveries are a settings change. Some are a report. This is how to tell the difference, and what not to do in the first hour.
Most of what you will find is ordinary: a messy group chat, a rude comment, too many hours, a friend you have not met. That calls for a conversation and a setting, not the police. Some of what you might find is not ordinary, and it should not be handled as a family argument.
Get outside help if an adult has been sexual towards a child, has asked for sexual images, has offered money or gifts for contact, or has tried to meet. Get help if sexual images of a child already exist, even if your child made them. Get help if someone is threatening to share images. Get help if your child has been frightened, blackmailed, or told to keep a secret from you. If someone is in immediate danger, call the emergency number where you are.
A few things make this worse when they are done quickly. Do not message the other person. Do not pretend to be your child to catch them out. Do not go to a meeting. Do not copy, forward, or post sexual images. Do not delete everything before you have spoken to the police if they may need to see the account. Write down the app name, the username, and what you were told. That is enough note-taking.
How you speak to your child matters as much as who you call. They may expect to be in trouble for breaking a rule, so they leave out the part you most need. You can say: "You are not in trouble for telling me. An adult who asked you for that was in the wrong." Then ask only what you need in order to get help. You are not the investigator, and they should not have to repeat every detail to prove it happened.
The help page on this site lists report routes for the UK and the United States, including CEOP, the NSPCC, Childline, and the NCMEC CyberTipline. Schools can help with bullying and with support the next morning. They are not a substitute for the police when an adult has exploited a child.
If you are unsure which kind of problem you have, choose the safer door. A report that turns out to be less serious than you feared is a better outcome than a week of trying to manage an adult offender from the kitchen table.
The patterns parents usually notice first are described in What predatory contact looks like, with links to the app guides. The house rules that make those conversations easier are in How to stay safer.